And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
