you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
