I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
