while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
