Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
