did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
