how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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