then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
