I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
