Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
