trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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