At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
