So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
