I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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