Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
