Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I need to sanitize my soul.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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