i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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