there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
