It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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