you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
