we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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