If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
