Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
