UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
