Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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