on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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