then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
