so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
