do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
