I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
