I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
