a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
