There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize