I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
