his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
