I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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