she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize