Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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