Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
4 words: hood of his car
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
