The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
