I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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