It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
