Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
