My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
