You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
