i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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