Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
