she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I have post one night stand depression
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
