You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
