But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
