just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
