just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
