I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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