I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
