Can i not drive my cunt home
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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