Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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