Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
