he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
