I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
