I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
