just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
