flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
