What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
