I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
