I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
