She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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