The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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