Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
