im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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