How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
