shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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