yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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