A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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